Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Supernatural
Timeline: Post-Chosen for BtVS; Pre-Season One for Supernatural
Disclaimer: Do not Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural. That's Whedon and Kripke's realms.
Notes: For the purposes of this fic, Dawn was born January 1985 and graduated in May 2003 when the series ended. Sam was born in May of 1983. There is no Jess in this fic.
Crossposted: spn_btvs; sn_crossovers
Fic-a-Thon for chosenfire28 whose requests were:
Four pairings you wouldn't mind reading:
Buffy/Dean, Buffy/Sam, Buffy/John, Sam/Faith, Sam/Dawn
Three things you do *not* want in your fic:
Sam centered, Buffy bashing, Any character bashing really
Three things you *do* want in your fic:
Dean centered, Angst, Happy ending
Summary: Sometimes, to get someone back you have to let them go. But no one told you that letting them go can hurt like hell. Dean’s point-of-view.
“If you leave now, never come back,” was spoken in a quiet yet stern voice.
“Yes, sir,” came the equally quiet and unyielding response.
The slamming of the truck door and the revving of the engine as it pulled away from the bus station lifted the fog from my mind. I looked back at the quickly departing truck and then at my brother; my little brother, who was about to abandon us for a normal life. Like we could ever have the Brady Bunch life. How could anyone walk away knowing what we know, doing what we do? But the hell of it was, I wanted Sammy to take that chance. I wanted him to leave it, us, all behind. I wanted him to be safe, to have normal. But, I would never tell him that, couldn’t tell him that, because, if I was honest with myself, I would have to say I wanted that chance at normal too. Like there was ever going to be a chance in hell of that happening.
Looking at Sam, I found unshed tears in his eyes. The one thing in this world that has always hurt me the most was to see my brother crying. I could shove every one of my emotions aside to get the job done, but one tear from Sammy would break me. I was his protector and if he left, I couldn’t do my job. That was not acceptable.
I started to speak, but Sam beat me to it. “Dean,” his voice was tired and hurt, “I’ve got to-- I can’t stay anymore…”
“Sammy,” my voice cracked like I was going through puberty again and caused me to wince. “You-- you don’t have to. I can talk with dad. Smooth things over like always.”
“No Dean. Not this time,” Sammy’s voice cracked too. “I’ve been doing this my whole life and-- and I need a break from it,” he paused just a moment and I knew what was about to follow. “…and from Dad too.”
“But Sammy,” my voice was thicker as I tried my damnedest not to cry. I would never let my brother see me cry.
“No Dean,” Sam actually grabbed my shoulders and stared down at me. “I’m going. Just-- just promise me,” he hesitated as a tear ran down his cheek. “Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself and-- and of Dad too.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets, “Yeah, whatever. You just watch yourself,” I broke off holding back the tears that still threatened to come. “Don’t forget to have you some fun once in awhile. You know, pick up some hot sorority chick, or something.”
Sam gave me a smile and I knew that I had succeeded in deflecting the emotions for the moment.
“Yeah,” Sam smiled again as more tears fell and then turned his head as the bus driver gave the last call.
Before I saw it coming Sammy had his arms wrapped around me and I found my face buried in his shoulder. I awkwardly put my arms around and patted at Sammy’s back before pushing away.
“Get out of here bitch,” I said to cover my emotions.
“Take care of yourself jerk,” my brother responded and prompted a slight laugh from me. “I’ll call you when I get there.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I said to his retreating back. I turned, heading quickly to the Impala. Starting up the engine, I listened to the first strings of Metallica come through the speakers before the tears started to fall. I glanced over at the empty passenger seat, the seat that Sam should be sitting in and then brought my clenched fist down on the center of the dashboard. My brother was gone and I might never see him again…
September 15, 2001
I looked around the campus grounds where students were walking, jogging or sitting. Some were alone, some were in groups, but it all seemed surreal to me. Seeing people go about their normal, horror free lives while others, like my Dad, risked death every night to keep them safe. I resented them for it and at the same time wanted to be them, wanted their carefree lifestyles.
Four days ago those so-called normal lives had been shattered with the events out east. For some reason, instead of feeling sorry for the victims or being angry with the terrorists who did it, I was worried for Sam. He was alone, in foreign waters and I wanted nothing more than to be there to protect him from everything life dished up, supernatural or not.
Dad must have known. Hell, he probably felt the same way, because the next day he said he needed me to work a case on my own. At first I was stunned and then suspicious when he said it was in California. He never said a thing about Sammy and I never asked, but I knew that he was worried, knew he needed me to do this because he couldn’t himself.
I arrived in Palo Alto two days before I needed to be in Sacramento for the job. That gave me plenty of time. I chatted up the young student worker at the admissions office. She was young, blond and gullible. Twenty minutes later, I was standing in the shadows of the dormitory my brother now called home. I was about to head around the back part of the building to check for other entrances when a laugh caught my attention.
I watched as Sammy exited the building with another guy about his age. The guy was saying something I couldn’t hear, but my brother was laughing heartily at it. For a brief moment I was torn between getting out of there or running out to grab Sam by the arm and take him with me. In the end, I just stayed in the shadows watching as my brother lived his life without me.
The rest of that day and the next, I followed Sam around the campus. He looked happy, looked normal. If wasn’t for the tell tale signs of the hunter that Dad had drilled into us both, I would have assumed he was like every other kid on campus. Every so often, I would have duck quickly as Sam turned in my direction, scanning the surroundings. He knew he was being watched and that gave me a bit of pride about my little brother.
I left Palo Alto with a heavy heart on the seventeenth, but I also made myself a vow; I would come back each semester to check on the little bitch. It was my duty after all.
With my fifth trip to Stanford University, I had become a pro and learning my brother’s whereabouts and subsequently setting up the schedule to follow him for a few days. I was several hours into my routine when something, or I should say someone, new appeared. She was tall, slender and brunette and my brother kissed her as she practically sat down in his lap.
Watching the couple, because that’s what they obviously were, over the next few hours disturbed me on a level I couldn’t imagine. I was happy for him, but deep down, I was angry. Angry that he had this chance and I didn’t. Sure, I had been with many women, but that was the problem. I had been with many women, not just one. I couldn’t settle down with any of them. Hell, I couldn’t even have a second “date” with them. Just a string of one-night stands lined up my history, while Sammy got to rub a steady girlfriend in my face.
‘But he’s not rubbing it in your face,’ the little inner voice of reason told myself. Though even that thought didn’t make it better. My brother was happy and in love, while I… well, I was just living the normal life vicariously through him. My life sucked.
As I stood wallowing in my self-pity, I must have let my guard slip because I sure his hell didn’t see coming what hit me next. One second I was standing at the corner of the building Sam and his girl had just entered and the next I was up against wall in the ally held firmly in place by a… I blinked. A little blond chick had her hand around my throat and it felt like she could snap it in two without a thought.
“Why were you following my sister?” she questioned with steel in her voice. She may look like a cheerleader, but this bitch was anything but.
“What are yah talking about?” I managed to get out through my constricted throat. I wondered briefly if I could chance a well placed kick or reaching for the gun at my back, but I realized she could block any move I made with the speed she obviously possessed.
“Don’t make me ask you again. Why are you following Dawn?”
It clicked in my mind just then. She had to be talking about Sammy’s girl. I had been following them for some time ever since they had their lunch in the quad area. That was the only explanation, so I went with it.
“The taller than you brunette chick?” I saw I struck a nerve with the height. If this was the sister to Sam’s girl, maybe they had something, other than height, in common.
“Yeah, smarty pants. Now tell me why you were following her before I get violent.”
I held back a laugh at that. Even with her iron grip around my throat, I found it hard to believe that this little slip of a girl could get violent.
“Look blondie,” I relished at that glare she gave me for that one, “I wasn’t following the girl. I was following the tall kid she was all touchy feely with, so why don’t you just let go of my throat.” I wasn’t expecting what came out of her mouth next.
“Why were you following Sam?” Her voice had the same steely tone it did before. What that hell was someone doing using a voice like that against me. I was Sammy’s damn protector, not them.
“Listen sweetheart, Sam is my brother and you better keep your hands off of him,” I said as I glared at her, but it’s hard to be convincing when the person you are trying to glare down is about to choke you.
“Your brother?” she said in a thoughtful tone. “What’s your name?”
“Dean, Dean Winchester.”
I watched her face contort in concentration as if she was struggling for a memory. Then I felt a hand reaching into my back pocket to grab my wallet. Had the circumstances been different, I might have been turned on. But I wasn’t, I was just getting angry at this bitch.
“Huh,” came the lightened response from the girl. “Seems you are Dean Winchester and Jerry Wanek and James Hetfield and… tell me when to stop Father Simmons.”
I really hated that smile on her face. It was like she was cat and I was the bird. But at least she must believe me, because she released the death grip on my throat. I gave a slight cough and resisted the urge to immediately reach up and rub at the bruises I knew were forming there.
“Can I have my wallet back? Unless you want me to return the favor that is,” I smiled slightly as she placed it back in my hand.
“So,” time to start with the small talk I thought to myself. “Why are you following your sister?”
She gave me the once over before answering, “Probably the same reason you’re following your brother.”
This was going oh so well. “Well, I don’t have a problem with you, unless you or that sister of yours are into something that will hurt Sam. Cause if anything happens to him because of you, I will hunt you down. Clear?”
She stared at me for almost a full minute. I looked into her eyes and she into mine. What I saw there scared me in a way I had never been before. It was like a reflection of what I felt every time I thought about losing Sammy. This girl understood.
“Crystal, but the same goes for you with Dawn,” her voice snapped my attention back. “If Dawn so much as gets a hair out of place because of you or your brother, I will hunt you down and they’ll never find the bodies. Capiche?”
I flashed a smile at her. We had an understanding. “Sure thing sweetheart.”
“Good,’ she returned my smile. “See you again in four months?”
“Yeah, consider it a date,” but before I finished the remark, she was gone. Damn was that girl quick. I had to wonder what kind of family Sammy was getting himself involved with. But maybe, just maybe things would turn out better this way.
I left the next day for my next hunt, but this time, I felt better than I had in the two years since Sammy left. I felt like I might not lose him after all. Only time would tell.