Disclaimer: I'm not Whedon or Kripke, so I don't claim to own them.
Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Supernatural
Timeline: Post-Chosen for BtVS
Written For: Weekly Challenge #5 at spn_btvs
Note: Thanks to azraelz_angel for the quickie beta read.
Summary: Xander's luck with women holds true even on the open seas.
‘Take a cruise,’ they said. ‘Meet a girl and have some fun,’ Dawn had told him with a wink. ‘Just relax a bit, you have earned it,’ Giles had said as he laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Never again! I say never again!” Xander shouted out just before the blond, who had already tied him up, placed a gag in his mouth. His eye remained wide watching the ceremonial dagger that she held precariously close to his body.
“I wouldn’t say never, sweetie,” her voice practically oozed sex. “Perhaps after your witch and slayer come to save you and I dispatch of them, we can have a little fun. After all, we never did get to have that first drink.”
Xander let his eye roll back as he prayed to whatever deity would listen to him to keep Buffy and Willow far away from this psychotic demon lady named Meg.
He had been staying at Giles’ flat in England for two weeks when they had cornered him in a room and shoved the ticket in his hand. The pamphlet that accompanied it proclaimed the excitement that would be had on a six day, seven-night cruise in the Caribbean. Ignoring the potential for pirate jokes, he reluctantly agreed once he realized they would bug him until he went. So that is how he came to be sitting at a bar on the third deck of a cruise line nursing a beer.
It was laughable in a way that he was actually sitting there thinking about trying to approach one of the many women who were there looking to hook up. There was a shorthaired blond at the opposite end of the bar who had caught his eye more than once. Perhaps it was time to take a chance.
“Hey there sexy. Come dance with me.”
Before Xander had time to think, he was being dragged onto the dance floor by the long legged beauty attached to that voice. All previous plans were ditched when he took one look into her eyes. He was hers for the night and she knew it.
When he awoke in his cabin tied to his bed the next morning feeling completely drained of life, he realized his mistake. Everyone knew that for a girl to be interested in him there had to be something demony about her. But at least the succubus gave him a memorable night and left him alive at the end. The still living part made up for the humiliation of the cleaning lady finding him still tied to the bed.
He decided to go to a different bar that night. In general he knew that succubae tended to be creatures of habit, so hopefully she wouldn’t come looking for him. An hour later he noticed the blond from the previous night sitting at the opposite end of the bar. She couldn’t be stalking him, so perhaps it was just a coincidence. He was preparing a pickup line when a new voice stopped him.
The screechy voice was enough to put him on edge before he even looked up to see Harmony standing with her hands on her hips. “What are doing on a cruise Harmony? I thought you were still doing that whole undead thing,” he said with a sigh. The other blond would have to wait.
“Well duh,” she said with an indifferent tone. “I’m here looking for a hunk or two to make my minions. I need someone who appreciates me.”
“I know what you mean,” he sighed again, not the least bit concerned he was about to commiserate with Harmony. “It’s like everyone out there is wanting something from you. Generally it’s maiming, ritual sacrifices and the occasional night of sex, but they still want and you never get a thing in return.”
“Totally,” she replied as she sat down next to him.
Several hours later, they went their separate ways and Harmony promised to keep to the opposite side of the ship if Xander wouldn’t try to stake her for the rest of the trip. It was almost surreal.
The next few nights, Xander stayed out of the bars and kept to the game rooms. It seemed he was a good luck charm for the little old ladies at the slots. They gave him drinks and he told them jokes as they played.
He was geared up to do this routine one more night when several of the ladies cornered him saying that he would make a perfect candidate. Needless to say, he didn’t stay around long enough to find out what he was perfect for.
The seventh and last night of his cruise found him back in the second bar. It was disappointing actually. He was a twenty-something year old man and he couldn’t even hook up with a normal girl for one night of fun. Maybe he needed to have Willow or Giles check and see if he had some kind of hellmouthy curse on him. Being born and raised on the Hellmouth had to do some kind of damage to a person’s spiritual well being. Right?
As he was lost in thought, he didn’t see the blond haired girl walk up beside him until she grabbed his arm in a surprisingly firm grip.
“Don’t make a sound or I’ll eviscerate you right here,” she hissed in his ear. “Just come with me and I’ll let you live.”
Xander knew that the ‘for now’ part was implied.
“Six nights of waiting to get you alone and each night you were with one of those other lower beings.”
Xander gave an internal shudder at the way she said lower. Just what was she that a succubus, a vampire and the little old lady brigade were lower beings.
“My plan to use you to lure the slayer and her ilk was almost ruined,” she drawled out. “But we will make it work. My boss doesn’t take failure lightly and neither do I.”
“Who, or make that what are you?” he managed to say once they were inside a cabin.
“Oh, I’m known as many things,” she all but purred as she secured his hands and feet to the bed, “but you can call me Meg.”