Warnings: Oral Sex
Disclaimer: I'm not Whedon or Kripke, so I don't claim to own them.
Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Supernatural
Timeline: Post-Chosen for BtVS; Post-Born Under a Bad Sign for SPN
Beta Readers: azraelz_angel & satyrnfive
2007 Holiday Fic-a-Thon: Written for PyroDeScorpio
Crossposted: sn_crossovers; spn_btvs; spn_twisted
The rain falls on the just and the unjust.
- American Indian Proverb, Hopi
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
- American Indian Proverb, Minquass
“I killed people! Is that what you wanted to hear!” She spat the words in his face while tears fell openly down her face. “I know what it was like to feel their skin cave in under the blade of the knife I held. See their faces as they realized they were dying.”
She shoved him against the wall and met no resistance. The cheap motel room wall shuddered under his weight. “You and Dean, you’re just like Buffy and her little group of followers. Never can do any wrong, always saving the innocent and stopping the bad guys. Well,” and she grabbed his hands to pin him against the wall, “I’m not innocent. So don’t try to save me!”
They stood there, facing each other, neither daring to divert their eyes. The only sounds that penetrated their reality were the raspy intakes of breath. Until a clap of thunder that reverberated through their souls shook them from their isolation. That sound was all it took to send her racing through the door and into the spring storm that raged outside.
Faith slumped against a tree in the muddy ground of the wooded area behind the isolated motel. The rain was coming in waves against her skin, but she didn’t care. She had thought that it would be different with them, with the Winchesters. They didn’t know what she had done in the past, just what she was doing in the present. She had started to care for Sam. Not love yet, but maybe…
Faith slammed her fists into the ground at her sides and then pulled them back with a sucking sound from the mud to repeat the process. She cursed herself for thinking she could let him in, letting him know who she really was. They were all the same really; she should never have deluded herself into thinking otherwise.
How could a guy who only saw black and white, right and wrong, understand what it was like to have innocent blood on his hands? He would never understand her and it hurt her more than she thought possible.
“Why!?” she shouted the question to the rain falling down around her. “Why can’t I… why can’t I just be…” A sob cut her off.
“Be what?” a familiar but quiet voice asked from behind her. She forced herself not to turn and look at him. She didn’t want to see the hate in his eyes.
“Just leave Sam,” she said in a toneless voice. “That’s what they all do.”
“I understand,” Sam said quietly and she jerked her head up to look at him.
“Understand? How can you fucking understand? You’re a knight in shining armor, a good guy.”
“No I’m not,” Sam said as he moved closer to her. “I’ve killed people too.”
The quiet admission stopped Faith’s heart. How, when, why were the questions flying through her head, demanding to be answered. But her mouth couldn’t form them into actual words. All she could manage was, “No.”
“Yes,” Sam said in voice hard as stone. He moved forward and clamped his large hands around each of her upper arms in a vice-like grip. “I felt all of it. I wasn’t-- I was possessed at the time, but I felt everything she felt, shared every emotion she had as she used my hands to kill. And that was only the first.”
“But you aren’t a killer,” Faith’s mind, her whole fucking world was spiraling out of control. Sam couldn’t be a killer. He was good, pure, un-fucking-touched.
“I am,” he said backing her up against the tree. She felt the hard bark bite into her back.
“It wasn’t you,” she tried to reason with him.
“It wasn’t my original thought, but it was my hands doing the killing. And it was my thought the second time. I pulled the trigger and shot him without hesitation.”
“No, no, no,” Faith was all but sobbing.
“Yes,” Sam said in a low tone as he started to wrap his arms around her smaller form. “You’re not alone.”
“But…” she trailed off as tears started to fall.
“You’re not alone,” Sam repeated as his lips descended on her own.
Faith lost herself in the kiss, parting her lips to allow Sam’s tongue to make entrance into her mouth. For what seemed like hours, she let him lead; their tongues dueling inside her mouth.
When they separated for breath, Faith looked into Sam’s eyes and saw a dark hunger deep within them that she was sure was reflected in her own. With a low growl, she used her greater strength and rotated them so Sam was pushed against the tree.
Sam let out a puff of air when his back hit the tree, but it turned into a groan as Faith pressed her body against him. “Tell me what you felt,” she huffed out as she slid her body down his, letting her knees sink into the mud at his feet.
“At first it was pure hatred. Hatred for anything human, anything that was like I-- like she was.” His breathing increased as Faith pulled down the zipper to his jeans.
“What did that hatred do to you,” she asked as she slipped her hand into his pants. He groaned as she wrapped her slender hand around his hardened cock.
“I wanted to kill them, kill the humans, kill anything that stood between me and what I wanted.” He sucked in a sharp breath of air as she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock. He unconsciously thrust his hips forward and she let him plunge into her wet mouth.
She slowly dragged her mouth back up his length, scraping her teeth as she progressed with just a light pressure. When his cock slipped from her mouth with a popping sound, she looked up at him and flicked her tongue across the head.
“Tell me what it was like when you killed him,” she breathed onto his dick.
He was shaking, trying to hold back from grabbing her head and thrusting into the warmth of her mouth and fucking her without abandon. “I felt powerful when I walked into his home. He welcomed me inside and I knew that I was going to kill him, but he had no clue what I was going to do to him.”
He gave into the temptation to grab her hair as she brought her mouth back down onto his cock. He tangled his long fingers through the strands and tugged on then slightly. He was gifted by a throaty moan surrounding his hard length.
He bucked his hips as the sensations from her noises moved through him. She responded by grasping his ass around his lowered pants and pulling him into her face. She sunk her nails into the fleshy skin of his ass and he bit back a cry at the sudden pinpricks of pain.
“God Faith,” he ground out through clenched teeth. She moved her head faster up and down his dick.
“Like that. Yeah. Fuck.”
As Sam’s voice lost the ability to form words, he thrust faster into her wet, hot mouth. He tightened his grip in her hair and held her in place, letting himself fuck her mouth.
Within moments, he felt the pressure build up to a crescendo and he pushed into her mouth. She was all but humming around his cock as he buried himself one final time. With a crying, grunt, he came into her mouth, spurting streams down her throat.
She held her mouth in place to take every drop she could manage. Slowly, she slid her mouth from his softening cock and licked the remainder from the hot flesh. She raised her hand to her face and drew a finger over the places where his come had leaked to her chin. Sam watched her with rapt attention as she sucked the last remains of his essence from her fingers.
“God, Faith,” he mumbled as he pulled his pants up slightly and sank into the soggy ground.
Faith smiled and crawled forward to straddle his lap. He wrapped his large arms around her small frame and held her close as he saw tears start to fall down her face.
“It’ll be okay. I understand,” he repeated over and over, holding her through the tears.
Minutes later, she was still in his lap, her heart warming with the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her. The remaining sprinkles of the spring storm that floated down onto them mixed with her drying tears. The comfort she felt as he rocked her back and forth in his arms both scared and terrified her. It left her breathless.
“Hey,” his voice whispered softly in her ear, “there’s a rainbow. Guess that means the storm is over.”
“Yeah, guess it does,” she responded with a real smile gracing her lips for the first time in many years.