Disclaimer: I'm not Bellesario or CBS, so I don't claim to own them.
Challenge: ncis_drabble; Challenge #77 - Restraint
Word Count: 10 x 100
Crossposted: ncis_drabble; ncisfanfic; ncis_haven
Summary: They may not be as well known as Gibbs' team, but they all have things they either hold back or let loose depending on the situation they are in.
He couldn’t stop himself. He knew it was wrong on so many levels and could get both of them fired. But every time he saw her walk by, he wanted her like he never wanted anyone before. Each time, as they hastily pulled their clothes back on, they would say to each other it had to stop. It never worked. In autopsy, in Abby’s lab in an observation room and even once under Gibbs’ desk… He didn’t think it was love, but it was something he had to have. Just as he got self-control to say no, she walked in.
He always showed restraint, or so he thought. The night he broke into NCIS, he could have easily killed the good doctor as well as his assistant. He could have killed sweet Caitlin, but he didn’t. There were so many opportunities to kill any of the members of Gibbs’ team, including Gibbs himself. But he held back. He didn’t know why he did, but he did. He waited until he couldn’t wait any longer. Killing Caitlin made a point. He regretted that she had to die. He waited as long as he could, but he had to pull the trigger.
Holding the boxes in my hand as I looked at the team I had belonged to for several months hurt. It hurt worse than knowing that I wasn’t ever going to be a true member of their circle. I would never fit in with them. Instead I found Jimmy. When I should have been filing complaints to the Director for being shuffled aside without notice, he held me back. When I should have told Agent DiNozzo that he shouldn’t have let me be shoved aside by Gibbs, Jimmy dragged me into a closet and held me back with a kiss.
The man was annoying, immature and a disgrace of a federal agent. He held back the urge to reach across the desk as he interrogated the man and strangle him to make him shut up and make sense. He didn’t know what the other agents in NCIS saw in Agent DiNozzo that made them go to great lengths to prove the man’s innocence. Even Fornell seemed to side with the guilty man. As the interrogation turned into an hour that garnered nothing, he realized the man was stalling. Knowing he was played made the urge to strangle DiNozzo even stronger.
He watched Gibbs working with his new team, the team that replaced him. He specifically paid attention to Agent DiNozzo. Seeing the ease with which he worked along side Gibbs and provided the older man the information he wanted when he wanted it, caused a flare of jealously. It made him want to want to say something that would put a wedge between the two men. But as the work on the case progressed he realized DiNozzo was better than he would ever be, especially for Gibbs. As they parted, he resisted instinct and gave DiNozzo a bit of hope.
After the explosion, she had no hope. Nothing would ever be right again. Her team was dead and she should have been dead with them. Instead she was alive and had people tiptoeing around her as if she was broken. Perhaps she was broken, but she couldn’t see it herself. She held back the emotions, kept them in check, kept herself from feeling anything that could make her weak. She worked alongside Tony and snapped at Officer David, but nothing made her feel whole. When she saw the bomb covered man stepping through the hidden door, she didn’t hold back.
When it came to her brother, she never held back. She had always teased and ridiculed him when it should have been the other way around. He was the older sibling, he was supposed to tease her. Then when Agent Gibbs asked her why she put down her brother, she didn’t have an answer. She didn’t know why, it had always been. But seeing how he fought for her innocence, how he was willing to give up a job that he loved and was good at made her think; maybe she would keep the next insult to Tim to herself.
Although they taunted each other when they were around their respective jobs, in private, they had a kinship of sorts; the common stomping grounds of an ex-wife. When he first met Gibbs, it was the day he dropped the signed divorce papers off, the day he married the ex-Mrs. Gibbs. Gibbs had warned him how it would end, but he didn’t listen. Love clouded things. But as he watched Emily on her swing, he knew he wouldn’t change a thing. No matter how many warnings Gibbs gave him, he was always glad they didn’t stop him. He had his daughter.
Sometimes he envied La Grenouille. The man was able to lead three lives; one with a daughter that loved him, one as an international arms dealer and another as part of a CIA sanctioned operation known as Lode Stone. He also envied DiNozzo to some extent. The man got sleep with a beautiful woman while working undercover. DiNozzo got the girl while he was stuck with the old man. He didn’t hesitate to show the pictures he had acquired to La Grenouille. He didn’t hold back the chance to turn the man’s anger on the agent, but it didn’t work.
Sometimes he would try to make a sound, just to get attention. But it never worked. He could only make sounds when someone was holding him. Sometimes it would be days before someone picked him up and gave his tummy a squeeze. He never held back on those rare opportunities. He was thrilled with the smiles he received from the parties involved. But the day his normal holder handed him to the man to use for a pillow, he knew something was wrong. He didn’t restrain the sound that bellowed from his tummy. He knew they both needed to smile.