Disclaimer: I'm not Bellesario or CBS, so I don't claim to own them.
Fandoms: NCIS; and dialogue taken from pilot episode of Kings (NBC)
Word Count: 1,000
Pairing: Pre - Gibbs/DiNozzo
Spoilers: Episode Tag to 06x18 Knockout
Timeline: Pre-Series; Post-Knockout
Beta: azraelz_angel! Thanks for staying up a few more minutes!!
Challenge: ncis1000words; Challenge #1
Prompt: "I get the distinct impression you've never done this before."
And the Coffee goes to... Tony! He had to suffer his whole life in this, so the least I can do is give him a cup of coffee.
Crossposted: ncis1000words; ncis_slash; ncisfanfic; gibbsbasement; ncis_fic
Summary: There was a reason he left and a reason he stayed, but it all boiled down to the same thing.
"…and you're here draining my wine cellar," were the first words that registered with Tony as his father walked into the room.
"Isn't it great?" he responded with more enthusiasm than he felt. "You bought my way into Harvard."
"So, you heard. Congratulations Anthony."
Tony looked up at his father from his position on the floor as he kept the bottle of Jack firmly tucked in his hands. "I don't want Harvard, Father. I earned a football scholarship to Ohio State. Buying my way into Harvard is your way of saying 'Anthony couldn't hack it in school like that nephew of mine who is going to take my place at the company one day.'"
Tony stood up and drew himself to his full height, as he looked his father in the eye.
"You really want to do this now," his father's condescending voice dripped out.
"If I am going to be the son you want, I need to earn my own way into the school you want, not be shoed in by your money. I've always done every damn thing you wanted just to make you proud of me!"
"I know that."
Tony balled his hands into fists. "Then what? I've gotten the grades, been the model student, joined every team, club and organization the school had to offer. Everyone tells me how good I've done except the one who needs to the most."
When his father didn't respond, Tony tried a different path. "Is it my reputation? The big party guy? None of that matters, it's not who I am."
"Oh, if only it was," his father's voice all but whispered in his ear. And Tony's heart fell. His father knew.
"What I wouldn't give for a playboy who can't keep it in his pants and who runs through women. But what I have is a son who shows no interest in them."
Tony backed up a half a step and his father took advantage of the change in order.
"Oh? You thought I didn't know? I've been keeping pictures of you out of the public since I shipped you to that military academy. What you do at night with your boys after your show of skirt chasing is a disgrace. If you weren't my only son, I wouldn't care, but for me to eventually hand you the company, it's not possible. Not possible."
Tony was struggling to keep the tears in check as his father continued his pounding.
"We give up what we want when we want power, believe me. Now you want to show me you have the heart to be my son, show me you can control it! Run it to the ground, numb it with ice, but you cannot be what God made you. Not if you mean to take my place," he said with hatred Tony could feel in his bones.
Then his father patted him on the shoulder. "Celebrate since you're going to Harvard, Anthony. It's what you're good at."
Anthony DiNozzo cried.
DiNozzo men don't cry.
Since that day in the basement of his father's house, Tony had made that one of his personal rules. He had broken it only few times (like the day Paula had died, or Kate), but he did his best to not let anyone see it; to not let anyone know he needed to.
Since Jeanne it had been hard to connect with anyone. He had loved her, but not in a way that everyone assumed. He knew it never would have worked out even without the whole "undercover" aspect hanging over them.
Since his father turned him away, Tony had unconsciously done everything his father had said he would approve of. He was a playboy. He chased skirts. He did his damnedest not to let his eyes wander once to a boy. He forced himself to be something he was not and it tore him apart every day of his life.
Then he had met Leroy Jethro Gibbs and he couldn't not look. He did his best to hide it from everyone. He still chased the women, but never kept them for long. He played the role to the point that the role became him instead of the other way around. When Gibbs left for Mexico, Tony almost walked away. But faith that the other man couldn't stay away kept him at NCIS.
More years passed and now he couldn't escape the lie he had created in his life. His dry spell was from him finally realizing he shouldn't make his life something his father wanted. He had done what his father wanted his whole life and now he wanted something more.
Tony panicked when Gibbs had forcibly told him that 'he knew' after that head slap. He flashed back to that day his father called him a disgrace. He thought, for a fleeting moment that Gibbs knew what Tony really wanted; that Tony wanted Gibbs as more than his boss and friend.
Tony couldn't censure his mouth when he asked Gibbs for advice on his sex life. He was more than grateful that the older man told him to 'snap out of it.' If only it were so easy.
That night, Tony found himself driving aimlessly through the city with his thoughts in turmoil. Tara had told him to find a woman, but apparently she didn't know everything. He wanted a man. He wanted Gibbs.
He was running on autopilot until he found himself standing at the foot of the basement stairs watching Gibbs work on the boat. He had lied to himself for years and he finally wanted to come clean about everything, even if it meant losing Gibbs.
"I'm gay," he said quietly over the rasp of the sandpaper gliding across the wood.
"I get the distinct impression you've never done this before," Gibbs said.
"Coming out? The last time wasn't my choice and it didn't end so well."
"Maybe this time will be better," Gibbs said quietly as he stepped toward Tony.
Author's Note: I watched Kings on NBC and the scene between King Silas and his son Jack made me think, "What if Tony's father had said those things to him?" The dialogue between the two is modified dialogue from the show to fit Tony, but it's really close to what was said. If you want to watch the scene that inspired this, go here and watch the second video clip down.